Well, hello, there. Seems as if it's been a while...
And the deal is, I am discontinuing the blog. At first, there were several "reasons" I wasn't posting. First there were the holidays, then an episode with my back, then I got a cold that developed into a sinus infection. And all the while, I was feeling guilty about not writing on this blog. I defined myself as a writer; so why the heck was I not sitting down to write a blog.
So all this stuff was swirling around inside my head -- feeling guilty about not writing, feeling guilty about feeling guilty, feeling bad about feeling guilty...you get the picture.
Today I'm 59-1/2 years old, exactly. In six more months, I'll be 60. And in writing my personal pages today, I realized that I want off this merry-go-round, which isn't very merry at all. I want to stop feeling guilty about not writing for publication; I want to quit beating myself up for this. And you know, when I realized this as I was writing my pages, I felt a lightness in my chest and body that felt odd but also nice. In a definitely woo-woo kind of way, I feel relieved. I want to pursue other forms of creativity, things that I remember liking in the past, but stopped doing because, well, I'm not sure why, but I stopped doing them.
As one example, I've been taking zumba classes recently and finding that I really enjoy moving to music. So that's one of the things I want to do more -- dance, and probably dance badly, but dance. (That is one of the absolutely lovely things about getting older -- I really don't care what I look like in class!) I took jazz classes when I was younger and loved feeling like a dancer, but I stopped taking classes; again, I'm not sure why.
Perhaps it's the passage of time I'm feeling; perhaps it's the fact that I'll be 60 in six more months and realizing that the tally of years is shifting the other way. Whatever it is, I'm feeling it, and it's time to get moving, figuratively and literally.
So, love to you all, my Dear Friends -- it's not as if I won't be communicating with you; it will just be in different, and I hope in spending-time-together kinds of ways. I'm blessed by knowing each of you; each one of you has enriched my life in different times and in different places, and I am grateful that you are in my life.
Vaya con Dios,
Jan
